Thanks to Kevin for this one! He's always good for quality humor!

  1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
    good food, and companionship...
    she goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

  2. We also sleep in separate beds...
    hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

  3. I take my wife everywhere...
    but she keeps finding her way back.

  4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
    anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said...
    so I suggested the kitchen.

  5. We always hold hands...if I let go, she shops.

  6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
    bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit
    down!"... So I bought her an electric chair.

  7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
    there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was; she told me
    "In the lake."

  8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
    Then the mud fell off.

  9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
    for the garbage?"... The driver said "No, jump in!"

  10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

  11. I married Miss Right...I just didn't know her
    first name was Always.

  12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months...
    I don't like to interrupt her.

  13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
    ...I said "Dust!"