Thanks, Ike:

Dark Side Greeting Cards.........

I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - ...I've changed my mind.

I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - ...I never believed in Hell until I met you.

As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - ...that you're not here to ruin it for me.

Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - ...will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably
need it again.

Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - ...someone other than you.

Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - ...almost lifelike!

When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - ...now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.

We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - ...what do you say we stop?

I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - ...It's almost like you're still here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - ...Did you ever find out who the father was?

You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only
one life jacket...
(Inside card) - ...I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - ...So we're having you put to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi,
and Arkansas)

Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - ..What was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - .Too bad no one likes your husband.