Concerned About the Left by David M. Kempisty

The following is a letter written by my friend, David M. Kempisty, to George W. Bush:

Concerned about the Left

Dear Mr. President:

I understand you have so much on your plate. What with the Middle East, Iraq issues, the upcoming election; why even today I say you holding a joint press conference with the Prime Minister of Romania (You handled the Sandy Berger question well). The point being, I understand _ as the leader of the most influential and powerful nation on the planet _ you are an extremely busy man. I do, however, come to you not solely with a problem but also with a solution. If I may, I suggest you incorporate some form of the next paragraph into your next address to the U.S. populace.

“As your President, and the leader of the free world, I have many issues to contend with; Iraq, additional turmoil in the Middle East, the domestic economy, tax reform, etc. etc. The list goes on and on ? And that doesn’t even start to go into the issues associated with this year’s election. But at the same time – looking on my list, I see one item _it’s not the top item _ but one item, which I can hopefully solve rather easily and improve our great country — it concerns driving.”
“I’m not sure where the genesis of the problem lies, but I do know the solution: Drivers should use the left hand lane for Passing Only! Use it – Dwight D. created for you but, use it properly. Get out there, pass the slower car, and then merge back to the right. Driving, my fellow American, should be a collective experience. It is not, you alone on the road. You are not an extension of your car. Relax and work together to improve the driving experience for all. Let us take a page from our European partners, the Krauts, and consider the autobahn. It’s a medium to move a large volume of traffic as rapidly and as safely as possible. The United States has an even greater network of roads to coordinate traffic on; however, there is a great difference between the two networks. The European model is both more aggressive and more harmonious at the same time. Is it possible? Can it be? The answer is ‘Yes’. Work together, to move as a collective traffic entity moving from one location to another. Be defensive. Drive aggressively – but safe. Use the left hand land properly. Understand when another vehicle has to merge in front of you for a left hand exit _ they did so not to slight you or your car, not to attack you, but rather because they needed to exit via that left hand exit.”
“My fellow Americans, I have many responsibilities in this position as your President, all with the objective of improving the United States. This isn’t anywhere near my biggest concern or initiative, but all the initiatives don’t have to be big ones to be effective ones. Think about it Americans _ let us not drive like we have our heads up our asses.”
“Thank you and Good Night.”

Now surely, some of the speechwriting will have to be polished and I understand if the ending has to be seriously reworked and the Kraut comment removed, but I hope you see the potential here. Incorporated correctly, I think you could both introduce a solution into America and score some light-hearted, free spirited, points with the American people. You don’t have to answer now, Sir _ but just think about it.

Like you, concerned about the Left,

David M. Kempisty